In what would have been your room. Your due date would have been today. Mommy is grieving and hurting. I am not able to hold you in my arms and see your sweet face. I am not able to count your fingers and toes. I am not able to snuggle and whisper adoring words in your ear... And today I mourn. But, your daddy and I surrendered our desires to be your parents to the Lord long before we knew about you. And for some reason, He wanted you to be with Him. The hole in my heart from losing you hasn't grown smaller - God has grown bigger.
I'm asking Jesus to hold you a little tighter today. To whisper words of love and joy into your ear for us. The only comfort I have is knowing that you are with Him... The day we lost you, I prayed that you would be safe. You slipped away from us. Our hearts were broken. Guilt set in as I wondered if I did something wrong. Didn't God hear our prayers for your little life?
He did. You are safe in His arms. You will never know pain or hard times. You will only know Heaven. What a treasure it is knowing that the first face you saw was the face of God. Our hearts still hurt, but are healing. I take those moments of guilt captive and make those thoughts obedient to Christ. He is in control. He knows better than I do. Wepraise Him.
I can choose to see your empty cradle as a reminder of sadness and despair. I can choose to dwell on losing you and live in sadness. I won't pretend to understand why God has allowed us to not be together at this time. I don't. But, I do know that He can use this for His glory if I let Him. And I choose to see your cradle as a reminder of hope.
Until that glorious day comes and I finally am able to hold you and kiss your sweet face:
- I choose to move forward in joy.
- I choose to cling to the hope that I have in Christ.
- I choose to praise Him in the storms.
- I choose to thank Him for your life.
- I choose to let Him use this hard time for His glory...
Love you forever, Mommy
About the Author: Catherine Vaughn is wife to Ryan, follower of Christ, Mommy to a daughter in Heaven, and fighter of Autonomic Disorders. A transplanted Texan now living in Central Virginia, Catherine loves sparkles, laughter, family, friends, and finding ways to bless others. She would love to connect with you on Facebook or Twitter! And be sure to visit her blog, Choosing Joy Daily.