It is tough parenting and relating to children with completely different personality types than our own. However, the key which opens the door to harmony and a unified, lifelong bond with our children is always fashioned with compassionate communication and selflessness. It’s easy to identify and relate to the child that most resembles our makeup and character, but it takes constant, unwavering effort to find common ground and communicate effectively with a child who is entirely different. As adults and parents we must be willing to daily tailor our communication with regard to how it will effectively be received and perceived by them, as well as our interpretation of their interaction with us. As a father or mother we must be compelled to think beyond and outside of ourselves instead of centering on what we believe necessitates our own satisfaction and contentment. It is solely our responsibility to cultivate this life we have produced and nurture it daily with unselfish accord. Being a parent requires selfless motivation. In order to try and bridge the communication gap between us and our kids, we should try to put ourselves in their skin and remember what the world looks like from their point of view. We must remember to take a step back and try to discern why a child may be acting a particular way or why they made a certain statement, before we react and enable their behavior to affect us personally. Successful family relationships can only emerge from the conscious determination of knowing our children through every facet and complexity of their personality, rather than taking offense when it doesn’t coincide with ours.
It can be very easy to make false assumptions based on how we typically react and respond in specific situations. In my own family, during my eldest daughter’s teen years, I often misunderstood and deemed her conduct and demeanor as disrespectful, when in fact she was speaking from her frustration - feeling that she was not being permitted to exert her desired independence. She was asserting herself, expressing that she had very solid reasoning skills of her own. Likewise, another characteristic of her personality I misunderstood was her need to know the logic behind a particular rule or directive. “Because I said so” was definitely not adequate reasoning for her cognitive process. With her it required a “no, and here are the reasons exactly why.” At the heart she has a nature that wants to please, but HER personality requires that she understand the logic and rationale embodying a decision for her obedience to be submitted willingly rather than surrendered with resentment. Without analyzing, scrutinizing, and determining to fully grasp the traits of our child’s personality, their conduct might be misread as defiance.
The desirable enrichment of our family unit is greatly enhanced and increased when we allow our children to grow and mature in the midst of God’s creative brilliance, recognizing who He made them to be. It’s natural to have aspirations for our children to possess a disposition, nature, character, temperament, etc. more in line with our own, but that is counter to God’s plan for them and also contradictive to His purpose for us as parents. Our role is the supreme assignment of being the empowering facilitators of complete uninterrupted support, helping them develop and discover the distinct and unique individuals God created THEM to be. Granted, a child is obligated to be obedient and live within our parameters, understanding set boundaries and resulting consequences when instructions are disobeyed. Still, the fostering of willful submission from our children, instead of tyrannical compliance within a dictatorship, produces without dispute a much richer harvest with an ever abounding motivation and loyalty. The overflowing bounty of this family relationship will establish a binding love and unbreakable trust that control and forcefulness could never hope to embrace.
About the Author: So Who Is John Tracy Wilson? He is just an ordinary guy with a heart to share his experiences and the insights he’s learned in life to build stronger families and relationships within our communities. Isn’t that what life is really all about – our relationships? The legacy we leave behind when we depart this earth is really in the quality of our relationships. His mission to bring hope, encouragement, and real world relevancy started with his music and in his songwriting and performing, sharing his experiences with life, love and family through his lyrics. A licensed minister and self-proclaimed “Musicianary”, he took his music to real people living real life, showing them they are not alone on their journey. In building relationships with his new fans, he realized they identified with his message. From this, his desire to author a book was born. He realized there was more he wanted to share than he could craft into a song. So he set out on this new course, adding Author to his credits and wrote “Of Life, Love and Family” a book of real world insights into our most important relationships. His hope is to help you bring greater depth and meaning to your relationships by openly sharing his experiences and the insights he has learned along the way. If through his efforts he helps you leave a greater lasting legacy, then his goal and mission have been accomplished. You can find him on the web at http://www.johntracywilson.wordpress.com