While we have to do better with our interactions with other women and be as edifying as possible, we have to show ourselves the same courtesy, acknowledgment, and grace. It’s so much easier to pick out the good qualities in someone else, right? Eeeeeeeven those we don't even like or identify with as much as others?! Just not ourselves! We just are simply not as good at this as men. As women we are quick to explain other factors that helped us get that promotion. It was "good luck or fortune" that caused our cake or baking endeavor to turn out beautifully. We blush when someone compliments our somewhat successful hair-do we found on Pinterest. We are often uncomfortable accepting positive feedback. We are quick to offer an explanation. We are quick to look away or change the subject when the spotlight is on us.
We often look for our significance or identity in our roles. Look at how we introduce ourselves. How much at a loss of words are we when we hear "tell me about yourself?!" I'm “such and such's” mom. I'm a speech pathologist. I’m a student. I'm Rick’s wife.
Luckily I've had a loooooooooooong season of singleness where I fortunately (for the love of hindsight) have not had the privilege of attaching a "label" to myself. I'm happy that the season has brought me identity. The future will add new layers or “ornaments,” new adornments of responsibility. First and foremost, I am Danielle. Hats I wear include friend, daughter, Speech Pathologist, etc. They do not define me. Who I am pours over into those roles. I am not me because of them.
The real change began for me came when I read a book called the Search for Significance by Robert McGee with a small group YEARS ago. I don't even think I finished the book, but the point of it stuck with me, and the point is basically to find your worth in Christ and enjoy freedom and not to search for self worth in your accomplishments and the opinions of others. It is so simple yet we complicate it so much. We struggle with this too often; for many, it is a daily struggle and entrapment. Society complicates it for us. Media distorts it for us. We are overwhelmed and buried with false information.
So take those few minutes that you saved to write a note for that lovely friend of yours and write it to your best friend, yourself. Make a list of all of your strengths, qualities, etc. Put it somewhere where you’ll find it later or mail it to yourself. Save notes, emails, comments jotted down from others to remind yourself daily. Make a “you” journal to house all of this goodness and take it out when you need a reminder. When you see your worth, so will everyone else. Smile a naughty grin and giggle over this knowledge as you walk into that room full of people. Hold your head up high and know you are a force in the universe.
If you have children, start now helping her to see herself as she should. We are what we believe. We become who we are told we are. What voice will she listen to?
Take heart, sister, you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are exactly as you should be, beloved. You are the right size, the right height. Know it. Believe it.
For her worth is far above rubies. -Proverbs 31:10 For MY worth is far above rubies. For YOUR worth is far above rubies.
About the Author: Danielle is a multi-faceted Jesus follower, Southern Belle, Speech-Language Pathologist, graduate student (Behavior Analysis), wine drinker, foodie, and self-proclaimed chef. She enjoys the finer things in life such as board games, cooking, blogging, conversation, and recycling to save money for a future adoption. Hailing from Mississippi, she enjoys immersing herself in new cultures despite occasional discomfort in California. You can find her on the web at http://www.backtosa2010.blogspot.com