Not Defeated

After dealing with paralyzing anxiety in 2011, I would write blogs to help encourage others.  Below is a blog I wrote  on December 12, 2012: Out of nowhere your heart starts to beat extremely fast, so fast you can hear it from inside your body. Your mind begins to race with negative thoughts, you find it hard to breathe, your body temperature rises and you begin to feel light headed. For me, my mouth gets really dry, my legs tingle, and I feel so tired. If it’s a sunny day it seems gloomy. A thick fog comes over you and you can’t see a way out. Your shoulders are heavy and your body is tense - this is anxiety filtering through your body.

What you do next plays a very vital role in how this anxiety spell turns out. If you resist the “feelings” it will get worse. You may even begin to black out. The thoughts run rapid through your mind and it feels as though you cannot turn them off. The anxiety may now be turning into a panic attack.

Panic attacks are extremely scary if you are not equipped with truth about them. Trust me, I know! I wound up seeking medical attention a few times due to panic attacks in my past. Fear plagued me!

I decided to write about this today because I was rushing around to make it on time to a doctor’s appointment this morning. I’m 13 weeks pregnant and had an appointment to hear the baby’s heartbeat today. For some reason I noticed that my heart started racing as I was leaving work and by the time I arrived at the doctor’s office I felt so overwhelmed with fear … for some reason.

For those of you who know my story you know that I dealt with overwhelming anxiety, depression and panic attacks for 9 months of my life last year. I am free from all of this and have walked away healed, whole and new which is why I started the ministry Healed Whole New to equip others how to overcome anxiety, fear, panic and depression through the Truth and knowledge of Jesus Christ. When I started feeling the way I did today I recognized what it was and cast it down in Jesus’ Name. Did it go away immediately? No.

At one point as I was driving home after the appointment to make myself some lunch (although I had no appetite) I could hear the doubt in my mind, “How can you teach about this? Hypocrite!”, “You’re not really healed, whole, and new!” I know those are lies from the enemy! Why was I so overwhelmed all of a sudden? I honestly don’t know. That’s why I recognize it as an attack from the enemy and I honestly believe it’s because I am being called to push this ministry further and have been acting and moving a lot lately to get the name out to the public. I think it’s because I’m starting to write a book. I think it’s because I’m starting to plan the next conference.

Nothing great has ever been achieved without oppression. So I’m definitely moving in the right direction!

I got home and I fell to the floor as I called on the Lord, Jesus! I cried because I HATE the way anxiety feels and it reminds me of such a troubling time I went through. However, I begin to claim who Jesus is and who I am in Him. I repeated scripture out loud and within a few minutes I could feel the heaviness leaving me. I still felt numb after but I got up and made myself lunch and sang songs of declaration about WHO God is! The next thing I know, I’m driving back to work, returning to my routine, and feeling fine.

I want to share this with you because I want you to know that anxiety/fear is always available. The question is will you choose to pick it up and carry it with you? I heard Don Finto speak once and say, “Every morning when I wake up anxiety sits at the foot of my bed and stares at me. It is available for me to pick up but I choose not to and I go on with my day.” I will never forget this because I was plagued with anxiety at the time I heard him speak. I didn’t understand the whole “choose to pick it up” because I didn’t feel like I was choosing the road I was on at all it just attached itself to me somewhere down the line but the truth is we do choose.

Today I had a choice. I was driving home from the doctor’s office and had my head lying back on the seat and my shoulders slumped because feeling anxious take a toll on you but I chose to sit up straight, lift my head up, and crank some worship music (singing it at the top of my lungs). I got home and wanted to lie down and sleep but instead I prayed out to God, proclaimed who He is and who I am in Him, made some lunch, ate my lunch (although I had no appetite) and drove back to work.

Do it afraid, my friend! Don’t let anxiety and fear stop you. I was not defeated just because I felt anxious and overwhelmed. That doesn’t mean I have to start all over or that I’m going to have to walk that terrible journey out all over again – it means I got attacked and took a stand against it. The feelings were still there but God is STILL on the throne. There is nothing that can touch me or take me out.

Today, an uninvited guest named anxiety came to visit me bringing very rough feelings and a flood of negative thoughts. I let the feelings run through me, they are just feelings – although they are uncomfortable, they can’t hurt me. I cast the thoughts down because I knew they were not from the Lord. Philippians 4:8 says “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 says “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” I just simply followed the direction of God’s Word and there was an escape. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” Our God is so awesome! Do you understand the previous verse? It is common to be faced with fear and anxiety but there is ALWAYS a way out and He will never allow more than you can bear!

So just remember you are not defeated. Life may be tough right now or you may have had a rough day today, heck! I teach about overcoming this junk and I still have it in my face! I’m no better than you; I just choose the Truth every single day.

Which do you choose?

About the author: 

Healed Whole New was created after the founder, April Poynter, experienced her first panic attack which then led to a cycle of anxiety that she could not turn off. Days of anxiety turned into months of anxiety and soon depression began to attack. April’s life had turned into a nightmare.  April began to fight for her freedom. She knew that according to the Word of God, freedom was given to her at the cross. In November of 2011, after 9 months of battling – the war was won in April’s favor. April was no longer paralyzed by fear and anxiety and depression was beneath her feet. Her vision is to see women become empowered through their relationship with Jesus Christ by trusting the Word of God, becoming confident in whom they are, and standing firm in freedom. You can find her on the web at