My Higher Power

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. Though I am a Christian and I declare that loudly and proudly daily, I must honestly show gratitude to Alcoholics Anonymous for opening the door to God. I was not raised in a church and I was not brought up with any religion. From what I could tell most of my family only believed that there might be some great creator out there. My Mother and her Mother, my Grandma, are the only christians I was around. In fact, before last year, I hadn't been to a church service since I was 15, and that was just to see my then girlfriend get baptized.

In the fall of 2008 I got my first A.A. sponsor. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but he began guiding me through the steps the way he was. Step 4 is the infamous inventory step. This one is alot of work. I spent almost a month writing out my 4th step. First it was resentments. A "grudge list". After that came a fear list. I wrote out over 60 things that I'm afraid of and why. When I got done with this section I called my sponsor. He said, "Alright Kevin, I want you to say this prayer for each one of these fears, ask God to remove that fear so you can better serve His will" Now, I was seriously a skeptic. I was agnostic, which means I didn't believe in God, but I was open to the idea, if I had proof.

So I agreed and told him I would call him back shortly. I put my list in front of me and began to pray, my second real prayer of my life. I said the first one and was distracted because I left the T.V. on. I switched it off and continued. I said the prayer for my second fear, and wait a minute, I felt a little tingle come over a me. Nothing too significant but I felt it. I said that next one and again, I felt that tingle! I kept going down my list and each time that feeling got stronger and stronger. After about 5 or 6 of them, I was overwhelmed suddenly with an amazing sense of peace, and clarity of mind, and I was crying uncontrollably! I'm not a crier, and this sounds cliche, but it was a very good cry! You might think I'm crazy when I say this, but I literally felt hands on my shoulders as I prayed for God to take my fears away one by one. By the time I reached the last one I felt totally amazing!

I opened my eyes at the end, and my whole room was so bright! Everything looked bright and crystal clear and beautiful! My energy, wow! I was full of some kind of energy that I've never felt! I ran around the house gathering up my roommates and told them to come outside with me. I shared what happened and told them that A.A. really works. Haha! I had no idea that it was actually, The Holy Spirit! A.A. just opened the door for me to come to God! Today, I am saved! God is awesome!

About the Author: I was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma, in May of 1980. I have an 11 year old son, Jakob, who is a true gift from God. My life today is nothing like it used to be. I have been deep in the pits of addiction and lived to tell about it. Now that I am sober, it is time to give back what was so freely given to me. One of the greatest things to happen in my life is coming to the conclusion that.....

1. God is real and the evidence all around us speaks for itself.

2. The only way in the world I can maintain a sober and spiritual life is through Him and his Love.

3. That Jesus Christ is the undeniable Son of God.

4. That because of Jesus Christ, his death, and Resurrection, I will spend an eternity with the God who is giving me a second chance at life.

I started this blog in the hopes that anyone who is struggling with addiction, or knows someone who is struggling with addiction, might be able to find some hope. I have been on top, more than once, only to fall right back into addiction. This disease has affected my life tremendously! Now, I am working my way up, and I want to share some of my experience, and the wisdom I have gained from traveling a dark and disturbing road. From playing sold out shows at Cains Ballroom to sitting under a street light, homeless, trying to find a vein to shoot morphine into... to success and serenity in life. The last 10 years have been wretched, but I am alive, and sober, and willing to help ANYONE stuck in that life find their way out! You can find me on the web at