Okay So, normally I don’t write blog posts like these. Like some other topics, it’s political, and ain’t nobody got time for that. But the Holy Spirit laid it on my heart to write this and I doubt He will let me get much else done until I do.
So we have all heard the statement or made these for ourselves:
‘Oh God, where is my Adam?’
‘Oh God, I’m just waiting for my Boaz’
‘Oh God…when will my *insert righteous man from the Bible’s name here* arrive?’
It’s very easy to tell God what we want and how we want it. But sometimes we have to sit and ask God why He’s placed us in the situation that we are in. What are you doing with your singleness whilst you’re waiting?
Do you view your singleness as a gift or a burden? Now I’m not talking about you going into dead end relationships with guys that are not in God’s will for you, just to appease loneliness. This blog post isn’t about that- It’s about being content with the place God has you in, and accepting the portion He has in store for you.
Now I’m going to be honest and very transparent with you in this post. Since I met God, I never used to have thoughts like that. Pretty much the opposite actually. It was never a case of ‘God when is my husband going to come!’ More so ‘Who needs a man?! There’s a whole world that needs saving by You!’ I had never experienced a love like God had shown me, it completely blew everything else that I had witnessed out the park. I met Christ and I was hooked, to me, nothing could compare to my Saviour- so why attempt?
God bless me- at that time, thoughts of a relationship with anyone else was just a burden, not random ones- I mean ones that were destined for marriage. Haha, I’m being completely serious. I had God, who else did I need? I was called to preach the Gospel in desolate war-torn countries, in places where Christians were persecuted, in places utterly starved of God’s love. Someone else would just slow me down. I was utterly content with the fidelity between God and I, I didn’t see the gift of marriage as it was. Now let me say this now, I had a very immature, selfish view of things. A life of celibacy and a life of marriage are two incredible heavenly gifts. The greatest man in the Bible was single- But He divinely came into the world through a woman, who in fact, had a husband (or was betrothed to one at the time)
When I first got saved, I lost a lot of things pretty quickly. I lost my boyfriend. I lost my best friend. I lost friends. I lost a lot of people I loved ridiculously. Sho, even my own brother didn’t talk to me properly for a couple of weeks. You really couldn’t blame him. His sister, who once loved the world like no tomorrow, who could be rude, selfish and uncaring, cussed, swore, who didn’t really care for God (In fact I was the Saul of the household, I had a fun time persecuting the church) Was now a fire baptised, tongue speaking, Christ junkie who would happily spend hours in conversation with The Holy Spirit, regardless of environment. Yeah. I freaked him out. I had never been happier; I had found my Heavenly Father- the best thing in life- who wouldn’t be happy? But I quickly realised a lot of the things I was doing before I was saved, the Holy Spirit would have none of it now that I was. I didn’t realise such changes would have such a profound effect on people I was in contact with- but they did. Huge ones which left me lonelier than I had ever been, but in a weird divine way, seeing me gain one of the best friends I could ever ask for. Christ.
For a little while, I believed any other relationship was just an avenue for hurt- burdensome. I had God, that’s all I needed right? Well true, God is the only thing you need, however it’s pretty hard to do His will when you don’t want to interact with His people. God had a lot of heart wrecking, Spirit healing to do to ease me out of that way of thinking. I was all up on the first greatest commandment. Loving God with all my heart, Spirit soul and mind- but I nicely ignored the second greatest commandment. To love thy neighbour like you love yourself. The issue is you can’t love people without being vulnerable with them. I thought I could keep myself closed whilst doing God’s work of spreading His love. It doesn’t work. Through your vulnerability that’s when the love of Christ becomes so apparent in your actions.
Now when I mean vulnerable, I mean completely surrendering under God’s will, not putting yourself in situations which the Holy Spirit doesn’t want you to be in, that leads to your hurt. I didn’t particularly want to get too close to people, I would love them from a far with a ‘God bless you!’ and a ‘I’ll pray for you sister!’ But I didn’t want to open my heart to anyone. One day when I was talking to God, He pointed out that one way to show His love for me to others is to be a vessel of love. Not one that loved in theory, but one who loved in action. One who constantly made the decision to do the right thing for others, love them ceasingly and furiously, even if it was ignored, insulted or rejected. Oh boy. That’s what I didn’t want to hear, I made the conclusion- No deep relationships = No heart-break. But God didn’t design fellowship to be like that. He wanted hearts to come together in the same accord for His glory.
There are so many scriptures about the beauty of a good friend or relationship. Christianity is all about fellowship. First with your God, then with others. Jesus didn’t sit in a cave and chill with the Holy Spirit and God the Father ( Something I had asked for more than once, and got chastised for asking for…more than once.) He spent time with God, He made sure He had that fellowship and that incredibly intimate relationship with Him- then He went and shared that with others. He spread the love from the Father with people, people He knew would be shouting ‘Crucify Him!’ as He was sentenced to death. As He bore His cross. The very same cross He would die on for the remission of our sins, Christ showed His Love towards us by dying for us, even when we were still sinners, even when we rejected Him. If God could love me, even when I hated Him through my actions, then boy I could love people, even if I got hurt in the process.
Now you may be thinking. What on earth does this have to do with being single?!
And I’ll let you know. If it’s a desire for you to get married and it lines up with the will of God, then continue to pray and wait for your one day husband. God’s got you. You don’t have to sit around and get all oddly broody over a man God hasn’t giving you yet, before you’ve let God work on your own heart. So many of us think we are ready to be in relationships (In my case, some even want to write off all of them) But have you asked God what does He want?
I was completely ready to say goodbye to all types of relationships, especially one with the man God would give me. Then one day God said something profound.
‘Child, you have absolutely no idea what I want to accomplish by My will through your marriage. You have no idea what I want to use your very own children to bring about to the earth, you have no idea how I want to bless you through this- Yet you are willing to write off My will for you because you’ve been hurt in the past?’
Sometimes it can be so easy to feel something when you’re wrapped up in yourself. You may be angry at God, or impatient because you are not in a relationship. Have you ever stopped comparing yourself to all your friends who are in relationships, or getting married to ask God…why? To ask God what work needs to be done in your heart before you can even handle such a commitment? Ask God what ministry He wants to give you now that you are single? What He wants to do with you in this stage of your life, when you are accountable to God only? In my case I was so ready to write off future relationships before knowing what God wanted to do in them, what He wanted to use them for and that it would actually all be to His glory. Also, I never realised the beautiful gift a matrimonial union was. God wanted to bless me, not burden me. Same way God wants to bless you in this time of singleness. God is jealous for you! How epic is that? He wants all your heart before you can go and invest pieces of it in relationships you think you want now. Listen, your heart must be so buried in Christ that the only way a man can get to it, is for him to first seek God.
*clears throat and composes herself*
I felt myself get all relationship advicey then and I thought I would reel it in a notch. Do you even know what you want to look for in a husband? I felt odd at first, but I was told to include my
*drum roll and other over the top orchestral sound effects like cymbals and stuff*
It’s pretty good to write a list with God. Ask God first what He wants to bless you with through the relationship, ask what His will is for you. Then let God know what traits you would like to see too. Embarrassment aside, the Holy Spirit lead me not only to write a list about what I would like to see in my future husband, but also to share it with you guys. And thus, although incomplete, here it is:
1) He must love Christ more than he loves me.
Seriously, His first love must lie in the One who gave him breath, and the One that even gave him the ability to love me- and how can anything else work when you don’t put God first?
2) He must love me how Christ loved the church.
3) He must see me as a daughter of His heavenly Father, and through respect to God, treat me as nothing less
4) He must see us as having one flesh. Not just in the physical sense, but in every other way. Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. What hurts him, hurts me, what touches him, touches me. Not just being only on the same page Spiritually but in everything.
5) He must be able to smile at the silly things: I can be pretty silly.
6) He must take his position as head of the house.
7) He can uplift us in prayer. I’m not talking about cute courtesy prayers, I mean going haaard in the Spirit. Like attacks know better than to come past my house. Sho.
8) Our Bible must be our go to source for direction, exhortation, correction, rebuke and learning.
9) He must be uncompromising in his faith and a servant.
10) He must be honest, and correct my wrong doings in love.
11) He must push me to chase after God more and vice versa.
Now once you’ve made a list for your future partner, make one for yourself. What does God need to change in you? If you were to ask God to write a list about you, what would He like to see? What traits does God need to mold or just straight remove? Be honest. Nah…for real, be honest. Notice that the list for you is twice- three times longer than the one that you made for your future husband? (Mine actually ends with ‘to be continued’) Now start to appreciate your singleness! It’s an opportunity to love and experience the fidelity between you, Abba , Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Let Him use you as a servant. Let Him mold you into a vessel of love. Let Him continue the good work He started in you the moment you accepted His Son, and let Him prepare you for the epic gift that marriage is.
Before you start longing for your prince charming, enjoy and delight in being a daughter of the Most High King.
About the Author: My name is Felicia, but you can call me Feli. I’m 20 years old (even though a lady should never tell her age, I’ll let you off here) and I’m a pharmacy student. Student/geek. I really don’t mind which way you look at it. Originally, I started bloging as I wanted to explore how to feel ‘beautiful’ without using expensive, overly manufactured products and cosmetics . But then along the way I discovered two things. God and Love. Both come hand in hand you see. I realised that ‘beauty’ is a term we kind of throw around frivolously without having a solid definition we can all agree upon. So along this journey of trying to understand myself from the point of view of God, that includes exploring beauty for what itactually is. I propose to do a couple of things. Be myself, be honest and write. You can find me at www.simplyfeli.com and www.youtube.com/simplyfelivision