How I fell into my FAITH


Since I was a young girl I attended Discovery Freewill Baptist Church under Pastor Matthew Upton.  As a child I was a handful to say the least. I grew up in a less then fortunate neighborhood with middle class parents that did not attend church regularly. God found a way to do amazing things in their life however because after I pushed them to the point of near divorce they went to a little place called marriage builders. My mom was the type of person that loved to spend time with her daughter and son however she was far from perfect. Who is really???  We are all sinners its our choice to be saved…. Just as God gave us a freewill and instructions to follow via the bible he is not present standing before us so we have to get to know him through our faith. My mom took me on woman’s retreats, church volleyball and softball games even Christmas caroling. It was my fathers mother who attended church with me every Sunday and was the prayer warrior. I am just as big a skeptic as the next person. My brain moves fast and I am very black and white. For years I did what I wanted choose not to honor and obey my parents and was naturally a very loving rebel so to speak.

As a child I feared my father and begged my mother to save me when I messed up. This nearly wrecked their marriage time and time again and as a child I never understood the impact it had on them or what they sacrificed and struggled with to raise me. So when I was unable to communicate with my parents I turned to my grams. That is the woman that loved me unconditionally without judgment and always saved me no matter how bad I messed things up. I’m a pretty lucky girl with amazing grandmothers that I lost in the last year. So here I am on my own without my prayer warrior or saving grace……. And this is how I turned from a hot mess into a holy mess and thank god daily for the lessons I learned in my life and the true value of the woman I am becoming. I turned away from the church at 16 and I ran like hell from my overbearing and controlling parents. Boy do I wish I would have talked less in church and listened more. I would have got the  honor and obey your parents allot sooner and it may have softened their approach. Everyone says kids don’t come with a manual right????? Are we sure that’s true just as we can follow god and study the bible you can learn how to lead and teach your children.

I have this cool wall sticker in my kitchen it says be the change you want to see in the world Gondi I think…. Anyways here I am the Holy Mess catching up on what apparently what has been infront of my face the hole time. Being the sarcastic realist I am this last year should have been explainable….. I should be able to reflect examine and account for each and every change I have made with Logic…. After all I know me better then anyone and believing in something you cant touch and feel is far harder for me then most. I can imagine anything believing it however is a totally different story. So as I sit here and reflect on what should have been the most horrible year of my life I do so with confidence understanding forgiveness and love with a full assurance of faith. So where the hell did that come from?????? Well I can only attribute that to god…. I hear things I felt spiritual warfare I realize there are many things at work in my life and will guide me for years to come. But the truth is what I had longed for my entire life was finally becoming a reality even for a headstrong analytical smartass…..

The day my grams died she was my safety net my best friend and the one person on this planet that loved me without judgement and picked me up regardless of how I messed things up. So how come the moment she took her last breath after I told her it was ok to go did I not Scream bloody murder or start punching someone. Where was the bitter anger? Where was the fear???? I dunno but Im so dam hard headed I didn’t realize until recently it had to be a work of god. To thy own self be true. I felt peace and I began to understand Life without fear…….. These emotions as well as my thought process began to change in such a way it can only be explained as the truest miracle of all. I learned who I was.... acceptance unconditional love and above all peace. From there I began to build courage forgiveness and wisdom. As I sit her today there is only one person I can thank for my life and who I become and that is GOD. Without him I would never have existed and without his son I wouldn’t have been forgiven. To finally understand him accept him and know him is to understand to love yourself and love him.

Only he can show you what you have so longed for in such a way you recognize his miracles big or small in your everyday life. A wise person told me this last year find it within yourself and those words changed my life and forever will. The song by Garth Brooks sometimes I thank god for unanswered prayers has never been more true in my life. I cant wait to see what my future on earth holds and how my eternity with him begins.  So how did I find this faith????….. I fell into it the day I fell out of her arms and had to say goodbye………

HolyMess not in Distress and that in itself is a miracle.....


Written By: Lyndsey Virnoche aka HolyMess

HolyMess not in Distress and that in itself is a miracle.....