“Oh no Lord, choose someone else. I am just not suitable for you to use me.”
“I have screwed up in the past. I cannot ensure that I am going to accomplish this successfully now.”
Ever felt so unworthy until you start to doubt if you are ever going to get any closer to God? Well, I felt that way not long ago. Looking back at my past, never did I expect that God will choose to use me. Glancing around the hall, I thought that God had so many better candidates that He could choose from, so why me?
I initially thought that all the past sins that I have done was the stumbling block which separated me from getting to feel God’s tangible presence. When I asked God if He could just let me feel Him, and when He did not show up, I thought to myself: “I have sinned yesterday. Maybe God is still angry with me.” The point of feeing unworthy just brought me to a stage where I stopped asking God for encounters, and I thought I was never going to get any closer to Him unless I remove this foundation. To me, I feel it was impossible to remove this off from my mind without starting life anew. Not wanting to lose any opportunity to get an encounter with Jesus, I foolishly prayed and asked God if He could just give me a new brain. That would just save the hassle of me needing to find a way to break down those high walls.
Thinking back now, I realized God was stirring up a hunger for encounters. When I did not get to encounter Him, no doubt I feel unworthy; I still want to feel His presence. When He doesn’t show up, all I did was to wait and wait and believe that, one day, He will show up. Another reason was because I did not give everything to Him – clearly identified, my past. God then dropped a thought while I was reading this verse:
Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace. Romans 6:14 (NLT)
If I know that I have sinned, and I truly repent, Since I am no longer living under the law, but under the grace of Christ Jesus, What is holding me back from surrendering my past to Him? If I regard myself as living under grace, I shouldn’t be feeling unworthy that God has not forgiven me; As though God is going to hit me with a cane By the grace of Jesus, I am set free and forgiven.
I do not desire to take any advantage of the grace that I have. Just because I am living under the freedom of God’s grace, it does not mean that I can keep sinning on and on, knowing for sure that God will forgive me. By no means shall I keep living under the devil’s foot, displeasing God:
Well then, if we emphasize faith, does this mean that we can forget about the law? Of course not! In fact, only when we have faith do we truly fulfill the law. Romans 3:31 (NLT)
God the Father knew you and chose you long ago, and his Spirit has made you holy. As a result, you have obeyed him and have been cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ. May God give you more and more grace and peace. 1 Peter 1:2 (NLT)
As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 2:4-5 (NIV)
I know that the more I take advantage of His grace, the more I will sin. Resultant to this will be an unholy life. How then, can I keep calling myself a child of God when my ways are not of His ways?
So, still thinking that you will be stuck forever, unable to get out of your past? Or thinking that God will not accept you again since you drifted away from Him? Why not try to declare His favour and grace over situations in your life that seemed to have no way out? – For God shall provide a way, through His everlasting love…
I am a Christian who believes in sharing the Gospel when any opportunity arrives. Believing that the gospel is not chained, I created a blog (see website), aiming to strengthen Christians and also share the gospel. Check me out on the web at http://www.joylivingwifchrist.blogspot.com