I spent last weekend at a cheer competition, watching groups, of mostly girls, compete against each other. They needed to be better, jump higher, and have less mistakes than their rival teams. I say that winning doesn't matter. But, when I'm sitting there, watching my daughter put out her best effort, only to get third place, against teams that she had beaten the day before, that "we're better than that" feeling starts creeping into my mind. I know, it's a competition. But, why can't we be satisfied with third place? Wasn't it enough for that day, that performance? Then, there's O. I look at him daily, knowing that there will be times in life when his best won't be enough for some. I watched him remain calm in the midst of crowded space, loud music, and visual chaos (aka cheer competition) and was really very proud. But, something kept gnawing at me...it's not enough. I kept wishing he could do all those things without his headphones and the distraction of an iPhone. Why wasn't it enough that he could do it at all?
Several weeks ago, the pastor at my church shared a song, performed by Jimmy Needham, entitled, Clear the Stage. The song speaks of idols, about what we put before God, or in place of Him.The words of the song were so powerful... Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol.
Here are some of the things that I have been thinking of recently, which have been eating away at my confidence, and have led me to that "I'm not good enough" feeling:
1. That "cool" mom, the one that everyone likes, didn't say hi to me. 2. That other blogger, she has more followers than I do. 3. My son has special needs. I can't take that away. 4. I don't have anything planned for dinner. Again! 5. My pants are too tight, yet the Halloween candy tastes so good. 6. My sink is full of dishes. Again! 7. Walking through my house is like walking through an obstacle course, navigating through piles of laundry and toys. 8. Instead of cleaning up the piles, I sit on the couch and stare at them.
Am I making these tasks, my kids, this blog, looking good, and being right, my idols?
Unfortunately, I think the answer is yes.
Maybe that's why I barely make it through each week, exhausted. Not because I'm doing too much, but because I'm trying to do each thing too well, trying to be good enough in everything.
As I write this, I am wondering why I have spent so much time thinking about what it means to be "good enough." Thinking about why some people, at times this includes me, feel inadequate or incompetent or as if they have failed to meet others' expectations. When the only opinion that really matters, is that of our Creator. I don't have to be good enough. You don't have to be good enough. Because, He is...
We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. - 2 Corinthians 3:4, 5 (NLT)
For more encouraging words from the scripture, check out this link at What Christians Want To Know
About the Author: Hi, I'm Sybil. It is on my blog, Peace it all Together, that I tell my story. Where I reflect on the circumstances of my life, my faith, and issues related to having a child with sensory needs.