WPB 1 241-MIt was a normal Tuesday, the day I found out I was having my son.  I went and taught elementary school, and then I went to a group I was in at a local church.  I was telling the ladies in the group some things I was experiencing, and one of them said to me, "Well maybe your pregnant."  And another one said to me… "Yeah, maybe your pregnant."  And I said, “O no, no no… we take measures against that… we have a plan”  See, I veer toward perfectionism--toward planning.  So I told the ladies in the group, "Well, I highly doubt that I’m pregnant," but we’d just moved into a new house and there was a dollar tree on the way home, so I was willing to spend a dollar to find out.

I stopped in at the dollar tree.  I was not the Dave Ramsey Diva that I am now, so I didn’t have any cash and had to pay with my debit card and got declined.  I’m already traumatized that I'm even having to buy this thing, but now I can’t even pay a dollar!  I called the hubs: “Hey…. I’m gonna need you to come down to the dollar tree and pay for a couple things.” Simultaneously the cashier feels so bad for me he says, “I’ll just buy it for you,” As Stephen is saying, “Are you kidding?”  I blurt out..“I'm trying to buy a pregnancy test” “oh….!”  We go home: it's positive. I say, "I’m gonna need a second opinion!” I don’t trust dollar tree anymore… "Let’s see what Wal Mart thinks."  Wal Mart told us that I was indeed pregnant.

We went to bed saying, "We are not ready to have a child."  We were too young, and I liked control—I controlled my classroom, our house, and I liked a faith and a life I could manipulate and not have it be interrupted, but there was a tiny part in my heart where I had been praying, "I want to know you better God."  We went to bed that night in shock, saying we didn’t plan this BUT GOD.  BUT GOD had planned it, so we started off on that adventure.

God doesn't need you to feel ready to move-- he doesn't need you to get over that one sin, eliminate your debt, perfect your perfectionism, or conquer your emotions.  God doesn't wait for your readiness; he waits for you to take a step.  If your like me, and your hard headed, He'll push you.  He doesn't need you to be ready. 

In 2011, we had a baby boy who was not breathing when he was born.  We didn’t hear him cry; he wasn’t given to me to be put on my chest to have a special moment.  He was rushed away.  Today by the grace of God through his merciful hand Camp is healthy and attending preschool this very minute-- hopefully taking a nap.

When all that happened, I distinctly remember praying: "God, let me keep my son."

And having the deep feeling that God was saying, "But is MY Son enough?"

It is in those moments in life where I wonder if I mean what I sing on Sunday mornings?  I think I do mean it when I sing it, but do I really mean it….. You're all I want.  You're all I need. You're everything.  Really, REALLY?  It’s easy for those words to tumble out of my mouth.  But in those life moments, if Jesus is really all I have—is our relationship at a place where he is all I need?… If I am honest there are many times when the answer is no.

Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God {Matthew 5:8}

God was getting me ready, blessing me, so that my life would move to a position to where I could see Him better: becoming a mom, being blessed in relationship with other moms, getting the chance to work in ministry, and seeing a two year old learn that he has a creator.

Do I see God with my physical eyes?  No. Do I experience God?  A thousand times, yes.  Today, are you letting God move you to place where your heart is redirected, interrupted, and propelled towards Him? 

Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God {Matthew 5:8}

About the Author: Christina May Andrews is a wife and mother of 2 kids under the age of three.  She lives in Tallahassee, Florida with her family of four.  When she is not wiping her kids' noses or bottoms, she is taking care of the other babies at her church.  She is in charge of the church nursery and week night childcare.  She loves seeing families and mothers grow towards Christ and each other.  You can visit her blog at: